Dictionary For Chicks

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Dictionary For Chicks

Post by CompanyMan on Thu Nov 12, 2009 1:44 pm

Thought as I'm outnumbered here, i would post this for you all:



Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by CompanyMan on Thu Nov 12, 2009 1:47 pm

OK form a ying and yang perspective we ned to "balance the books" dont shoot the messenger hehe:

Seminars for a woman
SEMINARS FOR WOMEN

In response to the seminar offerings by the female staff, the male staff has created a set of courses for females of all marital status.

The following courses will be offered:

General Education:

GE101: Why the Toilet Seat Has Hinges

GE102: Checkbook Balancing (formerly "Remedial Third Grade Arithmetic")

GE103: How to Drive a Nail Without Breaking One

GE104: How to Parallel Park

GE105: Why Going to the Bathroom is Not a Group Activity

GE106: Road Maps and Other Crutches for Spineless Wimps

GE107: Why a Bad Sports Telecast is Better Than a Good Soap Opera

Home Economics:

HE101a: Over-Laundering - Why Clothing Wears Out Premature

HE101b: Over-Vacuuming - Why Carpets Wear Out Prematurely

HE101c: Over-Dusting - Why Furniture Wears Out Prematurely

HE101d: Over-Washing - Why Dishes Wear Out Prematurely

HE102: How to Avoid Spending Money You Don't Have (formerly "How to Cut Credit Cards in Half")

HE103: Overcoming "The Imelda Syndrome" (formerly called "How Many Feet Do You Have, Anyway?")

Interpersonal Relationships:

IR101: How to Say "No" With Kindness and Appreciation

IR102: Why Men Enjoy Grocery Shopping About As Much As Women Enjoy Watching Roller Derby

IR103: Submission - a Biblical Perspective (prereq: SE101a or b)

IR104: Marriage - The Number One Cause of Divorce

IR105: Preposterous Mood Swings (PMS) (formerly "Keeping Your Personal Problems from Ruining Everyone Else's Life Too")

IR106: Understanding Men's Revulsion to Tampon Commercials (formerly called "We Know What That Little 'Plastic Applicator' is REALLY For!")
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by CompanyMan on Thu Nov 12, 2009 1:53 pm

Translations for men
These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say...

"IT'S A GUY THING"

Translated:* "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"

Translated:* "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"

Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"

Translated:* "I have no idea how it works."

"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."

Translated:* "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."

Translated:* "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."

Translated:* "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car

I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."

Translated:* "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."

Translated:* "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."

Translated:* "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"

Translated:* "What did you catch me at?"

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."

Translated:* "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."

Translated:* "I make the messes; she cleans them up."
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Lea on Fri Nov 13, 2009 12:57 am

lol bit bored today were we?
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Shamira on Fri Nov 13, 2009 4:23 am

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."

Translated:* "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."[quote]

now this one i KNOW for a fact is pure and utter horse shit..lmao

a male hurts themselves in the slightest, and it's call an ambulance i'm dying...from a scratch. harden up damn it..lol
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Lea on Fri Nov 13, 2009 10:56 am

LOL sorry Sham,I can't agree with you on that one....hubby was bitten by the 2nd most deadliest snake in the world and the dumb bastard still didn't call an ambulance! lol He has also managed to drill with a powered drill through his thumb complete, wouldn't cut the wires because that would mean not being able to tow the boat for a while so manually unscrewed the drill bit from his thumb then got me to take him to the local doctors. lol Teddy isn't a sookie la la for real pain, cold or the sniffles tho and LOOK OUT! lmao
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Shamira on Sat Nov 14, 2009 7:41 am

then he's abnormal..lol
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Lea on Sat Nov 14, 2009 2:18 pm

lmao I've been telling him that for years.
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Shamira on Sat Nov 14, 2009 9:16 pm

well tell him again, cause now you have more proof..lmao
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Lea on Sun Nov 15, 2009 12:07 am

Yah somehow I just don't think he's gonna care lol
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Shamira on Sun Nov 15, 2009 3:13 am

yeah, probably not...but hey, you should feel better..lol
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Lea on Sun Nov 15, 2009 11:53 pm

Oh I do, every time I talk to you dear Razz lol!
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Shamira on Mon Nov 16, 2009 1:05 am

i know...i'm such a pick me upper.. Razz

*mumbles...fucking bitch*

RUN FOREST RUN...lmao
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Lea on Mon Nov 16, 2009 2:40 am

*snickers* awwww Shammy, why would you call me a bitch? lol
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Shamira on Mon Nov 16, 2009 3:10 am

uummmm because it's the highest compliment one can give??? lol!
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Lea on Mon Nov 16, 2009 4:57 am

ohhhh is that it! lol right
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Shamira on Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:23 am

i'm hurt that you don't believe me...fuck ya then hag..Razz:P:P
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Lea on Mon Nov 16, 2009 12:28 pm

In yer dreams baby! lol
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Shamira on Mon Nov 16, 2009 10:37 pm

aawwwww but...but...but...you said... Mad Sad
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Lea on Mon Nov 16, 2009 11:16 pm

lol I said what exactly?
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Shamira on Tue Nov 17, 2009 1:53 am

you said if you was a man you would root me... lol!
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Bella on Wed Nov 18, 2009 10:28 pm

lmfao Jonathan .... Do you want to get laid??!
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Lea on Thu Nov 19, 2009 12:46 am

Shamira wrote:you said if you was a man you would root me... lol!

that was before you told me I was a hag lol
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Shamira on Thu Nov 19, 2009 3:27 am

lmfao Jonathan .... Do you want to get laid??!

yeah mister...do you want to get shot out of lea's chickens arse or what??? lol!

that was before you told me I was a hag lol

hey, it was a compliment..lol
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Bella on Thu Nov 19, 2009 4:17 am

LOL!!!!!!!!!!
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Shamira on Fri Nov 20, 2009 12:55 am

careful bella...there's just no satisfying some people..lmao
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Bella on Fri Nov 20, 2009 1:13 am

oh oh he'll be satisfied..
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Bella on Fri Nov 20, 2009 1:14 am

Doh! i didnt just say thst did i... Evil or Very Mad
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by CompanyMan on Fri Nov 20, 2009 9:13 am

Bella wrote:lmfao Jonathan .... Do you want to get laid??!

errm *cough cough* my best mates, friends, cousins, cable tv guy sent those jokes, i dont approve of any of them *cough cough*
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by CompanyMan on Fri Nov 20, 2009 9:20 am

Lea wrote:lol bit bored today were we?

hehe yeah amazing what is on the internet these days LOL
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Bella on Fri Nov 20, 2009 12:42 pm

errm *cough cough* my best mates, friends, cousins, cable tv guy sent those jokes, i dont approve of any of them *cough cough*[/quote]


LOL!! quick back peddle.. lol
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by CompanyMan on Fri Nov 20, 2009 12:56 pm

hehe Smile
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Bella on Fri Nov 20, 2009 1:10 pm

Like a Star @ heaven Embarassed
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by CompanyMan on Fri Nov 20, 2009 1:56 pm

well dont want to be on rations when i get to ozz Smile
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Bella on Fri Nov 20, 2009 11:38 pm

lmfao @ rations
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Shamira on Fri Nov 20, 2009 11:55 pm

not a quick enough back peddle. i still demand to know if you want to get shot out of lea's chickens arse mister..lol

damn i'm tired. it's 12.55pm and i've been up since 7am yesterday..lmfao
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Bella on Sat Nov 21, 2009 12:02 am

lmfao sham Laughing
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by CompanyMan on Sat Nov 21, 2009 10:28 am

Shamira wrote:not a quick enough back peddle. i still demand to know if you want to get shot out of lea's chickens arse mister..lol

Hell no, lol, consider back peddling like a mofo on ta tightrope, with a monocycle!
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by Shamira on Sat Nov 21, 2009 10:04 pm

ooohhhhhhh he's nimble bella...should be flexible too. pics or it never happened..lol
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Re: Dictionary For Chicks

Post by CompanyMan on Sun Nov 22, 2009 11:13 am

lmfao
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